


Bed of Roses

by cathalin



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-25
Updated: 2009-05-25
Packaged: 2017-10-17 23:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/182415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathalin/pseuds/cathalin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Idol Finale, Adam and Kris talk. In a bed. There's a lot of honesty, a lot of touching, and a lot of friendship that borders on more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bed of Roses

The light in the hotel corridor is blinding; Kris blinks hard against it. He's so tired he almost misses the room number, but pulls himself up just in time. The lock snicks open with the key card Adam slipped him earlier; it's their standing joke that they're going to be roommates forever, since that's how it sometimes felt all those months in the mansion. Katy thinks it's hilarious and is going to give Adam a key to their new place once they figure out where they're going to live.

Kris moves quietly into the room, groggily scanning for evidence of company: if there's anyone else here with Adam, he'll just slip back out. There aren't any strange shoes or pants on the floor -- not that he was really expecting any, given how visible they are here at the hotel -- so he ventures further, still not sure exactly what he's doing here. Despite his complete exhaustion, he hasn't been able to sleep, energy still fizzing under his skin, and he's been trying for a long time, lying in the dark staring into the blackness. He's tried counting sheep, he's tried praying, and he's tried thinking about the song he's writing, but none of it helps. Katy had finally shoved him and said, "If you don't go unwind somewhere else I'm taking back the marriage thing." She'd rolled away decisively. "Find Adam. He's the only one who can help." His wife is pretty damn awesome, because as much as she's shared the ups and downs with him, she knows that no one who hasn't been there can completely get it. She's also pretty damn tired, and sounding as close to irritable as she gets, so.

Adam's curled on his side under the quilt facing away from Kris, breaths slow and even, apparently asleep. Kris is glad, because if Kris is exhausted, Adam is _fried_. He's never seen Adam as tired as he is right now, and Kris is actually worried about him, as ridiculous as it feels to worry about Adam, who's ironically one of the most together people Kris has known. The guilt twists again in Kris's gut, and he has to breathe deeply for a moment against the sting in his eyes that always seems a heartbeat away these days. It's not fair. Not _freaking_ right. He knows it, and he knows all the reasons it happened, and so does Adam.

Adam's hair is sticking up in crazy clumps, and Kris can just imagine his squeal about it tomorrow; Kris spent many a morning in the mansion rolling his eyes dramatically in the mirror at Adam fussing over his hair. Kris feels his lips curl up into a smile, like they always do around Adam, and he thinks, _okay, yeah,_ because nothing else has worked, and if he doesn't get some sleep soon he won't be responsible for his actions. Or Katy's.

He sits gently on the edge of the bed. Maybe if he just stays right here and breathes for a few minutes, it'll be enough. He doesn't sit gently enough, though, because Adam suddenly rolls over. There's just enough glow from the nightlight in the bathroom to see that Adam's eyes are wide open: he wasn't asleep at all. He smiles sweetly at Kris. "Hey." If Adam's wondering what the hell is happening, he's hiding it well.

Kris smiles wearily back, but it's going to get weird in a second unless he can get his act together.

Adam's face crumples a little, like he's just realized something. "Oh! I'm not--" Adam's hand covers his face, and Kris's heart twists. He knows what this is: Adam doesn't even go for coffee without makeup on.

"Hey, no." Kris's momentary embarrassment disappears in the wake of Adam's; he grabs for Adam's fingers and pulls them gently away from where they're covering his face. Adam looks away: who would ever guess that such a confident guy had this underneath. Kris squeezes Adam's hand. "It's me. Dork." That's all it takes to make Adam breathe out and laugh and roll his eyes at himself, and Kris is ridiculously glad he can give Adam that at least.

"Yeah." They've seen each other in pretty much every state at this point, and Adam knows very well that Kris doesn't give a shit. "So, what...?" Adam waves a hand at Kris.

Now it's Kris's turn to feel weird. "I don't really--I don't know. Just..." He rolls his eyes and Adam laughs, the hearty one that makes Kris laugh back, every time.

"Can't sleep?"

Kris nods, and the exhaustion's back like a physical force, pressing on his body and his brain.

"Katy throw you out?" There's laughter lacing Adam's voice, and Kris smiles, but even he can tell it's a pretty lame attempt.

Adam gets instantly serious. "Oh, wow. Yeah, same here. It's just..."

Kris nods again and leans his face in his hands. It almost feels like he could sleep here, it's so warm and quiet, and Adam does understand all the parts of it, though in a weird reverse mirror: the joy, the sorrow.

"Do you...?" There's an odd note underlying Adam's tone that Kris has rarely heard. It takes Kris a second to figure it out, and then he realizes, it's Adam stopping himself from saying something: being _careful_. The thought is so incongruous that Kris laughs, sharp and kind of sickly. In a way it's sweet, because Adam' doesn't do _careful_ with basically anyone. Sure, he'll censor himself and talk on script and even change the way he speaks, but this is something different.

"What!" Adam's sitting up a little now, t-shirt wrinkled and hair even more stupid-looking.

Kris probably doesn't have license to say this kind of thing to Adam, despite how close they are, but he lost his ability to self-censor at around forty-eight hours without sleep. "You're being _careful_ with me!"

Adam's eyebrow lifts and he does the wrinkled forehead thing and tries to look insulted, but it just makes Kris laugh again; he's practically doubled over now.

"Oh my god, the success has gone to your head. You've officially become insane!" Adam's laughing now too, and it's really good to hear; it's real, deep and strong from the belly.

Something switches, and Kris isn't laughing any more, but kind of breathing in hitching gasps. Kris bites his lip, but it's no good, there's just, it's all so _much_.

Then Adam's reaching for him, strong warm hands on his shoulders, easing him around and down into his arms. "Oh, _sweetie_ ," Adam whispers into Kris's ear, gathering him close in, scooting down so he can pull Kris in tight, let Kris bury his head on his shoulder. "I know. I _know_. You're too good for this. You can't let it do this to you. It's okay. I'm okay, I promise, I swear to you."

"Bullshit." Kris manages against Adam's ear. "Don't lie to me. Out in the world, with anyone else there, sure, but... Please, don't, it's bad enough--" Kris's voice breaks and Adam stiffens momentarily under Kris's hands, muscles in his back going rigid, and Kris wonders if he's transgressed somewhere he's not allowed to go, but then Adam relaxes all at once, breath whooshing out in a sigh.

"Yeah, I can see--You deserve it, but... He breathes in sharply, and Kris can almost hear Adam decide to tell him. "Of course I wanted it," he whispers, tight and low against Kris's cheek. "You know it, I don't have to say it. Because you _get_ people. Of _course_. Don't make me--" Adam's voice breaks, and Kris's heart feels like it's going to go with it.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean...." Words fail him, and his hands pull Adam in even more tightly.

"I'm not lying." Adam's voice is muffled and thick. "Everything I say is true. I _am_ a winner. I _do_ think you deserve it; you're amazing. I _don't_ resent you getting it for one second."

"But everyone wants to win," Kris says softly into Adam's sticking-up hair.

Adam nods against Kris's cheek. He draws in a shaky breath. "Everyone except you."

And that does it, Kris just _breaks_ , right there into Adam, all the coiled tension from months and months and especially the last week unwinding, unspooling in this dark safe place. He's had to be strong for everyone, and Adam's the last person on earth he should do this with, but somehow they've never been about what makes sense. "It should have been you. It should have been _you_ ," he gasps when he can get enough air. "It's wrong. They're all wrong. How could people...I've seen it, the crap they spew. I've seen it every place I look on the net, on television, everywhere. It's not, that's not what my religion teaches, it's not what it's about, not what Jesus--"

"I know. I know that," Adam says, and his voice is choked and wavery.

"Hey." Kris wipes his nose on his sleeve and tries to look at Adam, who looks away. "Hey. You need to let it out, too. Have you?" Adam shakes his head a little. "Because you can. It's--It's safe with me. You can."

Adam takes a hitching breath, then just puts his head into Kris's shoulder and shakes. Kris feels such gratitude right now, that Adam can trust him like that, that he can give this back to Adam, something that maybe no one else can fully give. Kris strokes Adam's hair and cries a little more himself, and after a long while there's quiet.

Kris's body feels like it's floating in honey, he's so tired. Exhaustion is a palpable force now, making his limbs heavy and his swollen eyelids droop. It would be so easy to just lie here, drift...

"Listen to me." Adam's voice is low and intense, still a little choked. It feels like something's coming that's going to make a difference, going to _matter_ , like it sometimes does with Adam. "You need to find the place inside you that wants this win. I think maybe, somehow, you skipped that or something, being a younger brother or, I don't know, being all basebally and cute and nice-familied and boy-next-door and all."

Kris hits Adam's biceps weakly and Adam huffs out a breath of laughter, but doesn't stop talking.

"But you have it somewhere in there, the wanting to be a winner. Everyone does, and I've seen it in you, too, sometimes. It's time to embrace that. It's okay. You do deserve it, you did win it, and most of what happened doesn't have much to do with who I am, anyway. I _have_ accomplished more than I thought realistically possible with this. I think it might even be better, I honestly do. I'm feeling that more all the time."

"No bullshit," Kris manages to mutter.

It's Adam's turn to hit Kris. "It's not. I really do think it happened for a reason. Maybe lots of reasons. For both of us."

"Yeah." Kris nods, because he's been thinking that a little bit, too. He can see paths for both of them that are better than if the reverse happened. Weird things, like Kris speaking out against intolerant bullshit. And Adam... well. "You're going to be the biggest thing that's hit in decades." It comes out muffled: somehow his face is buried in the front of Adam's now slightly-damp t-shirt, but he means every word, and he thinks Adam knows it.

"My biggest fan," Adam mock-sighs, breath stirring the hair at Kris's temple. And just like that, feeling Adam's exhale on his cheek, the weirdness of their positions, the situation -- wrapped in each others' arms in Adam's bed -- crashes into Kris's head. It must somehow manifest in his body, because Adam makes a little sound and starts to disentangle.

"No, I..." He tightens his grip on Adam's shoulders. "That's not what I--" And Kris doesn't want to be out of Adam's arms right now, he really doesn't. It's just, sometimes it has to get weird; there's no real getting around that, not with how they've let the walls down.

"It's okay. It's not. I don't--" The odd _careful_ note is back in Adam's voice, and it pisses Kris off, because he never, ever wants to make Adam feel that. Kris wants to be a person, a place, where Adam can be himself and for once not have to deal with any bullshit.

"What? I'm not your type?" Kris knows it's a mistake the second he says it. _Damn_ his stupid mouth.

"Jesus!" Adam wrenches himself away from Kris, and he's scrambling to get away. Kris's chest hurts with the panicked realization he probably just fucked things up, maybe forever, when all he was trying to do in his idiotic way was--

"No. No, no, no." Kris pulls at Adam, desperate. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant, that was an asshole thing to say. I was trying to say, what I want you to know..."

Adam wrenches his arms out from Kris's hands and turns his face away, and Kris reaches for his jaw, forces Adam to turn back toward him. He can feel the tears standing in his eyes again, _damn it_ he's turning into his weepy father or something, but that doesn't matter: what matters is that Adam believes him. "I don't want you to have to be _careful_. Not with me. You don't have to be careful. There's nothing... Look, things are gonna, you know, once in a while they might get weird, but I don't care. That's what I want you to know, that I don't _care_."

"You'll care when they start insinuating things. They're already dissecting how you act around me, trying to paint you as some closet case." Adam's voice is low and fierce; Kris knows this about him, that there's a reservoir of pain under the surface, and a reservoir of strength as well.

"Fuck them." He's never meant that so sincerely in his life; the steel in his voice surprises even him. "Just fuck them totally."

And miraculously, thank God, Adam laughs. "Kris Allen! You wash your mouth out! You are supposed to be the guy every parent wants their daughter to bring home, the harmless guy with puppy eyes and..."

"Okay, now that's just low," Kris manages, but he knows Adam's still deflecting. He goes up on his elbows over Adam. "Do you get me? Because I'm trying to tell you something."

Adam presses his lips together and nods, then finally, _finally_ , looks at Kris. Their eyes lock and Adam lets Kris see that yes, he gets it, and Kris tries to let everything show in his own eyes right back at him. It's probably a mistake to say anything more, but. "And if." Kris swallows. "If I were..."

"Back at you." Adam smiles, and there's no hiding in it any more. "But in case you're worried." The corner of his mouth quirks up. "Since we're sharing and everything. I don't fall in love with straight guys. Especially married ones with wonderful wives. I'm not allowed to. Brad made me promise."

Kris laughs. Adam takes a little breath. "But seriously, I don't. I learned that lesson a long time ago."

"And I don't fall in love with guys, period." Kris waits a beat, then another. "Except in a godly way."

"Oh my _god_!" Adam camps up his voice so he sounds like the most extreme queen ever. "You have obviously been hanging around someone who is a bad influence, because seriously, honey, you are getting sassy!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Kris puts his head back down on Adam's chest, and the warmth between them is palpable, something forged in countless late-night talks and song-writing sessions, something tested in the shitstorm of the final weeks of an American Idol competition, not to mention the media crap about both of them.

Silence wraps around them, and the rise and fall of their breathing starts to match. Adam inhales and holds it, then on the exhale whispers in his most true voice, "What I wanted to ask you, but then yeah, I got _careful_..."

"Mmmm?"

"What I was going to ask was, do you want to sleep here." Even now, Adam's keeping his voice pretty neutral. But still, it's an improvement.

Kris nods against Adam's chest. "Yeah. I think that's exactly what I want. And if I weren't being careful back, I'd be asking, are you okay with that?"

"I'm okay with that."

Kris nods. His eyelids feel like lead and he doesn't think he can say another word, everything feels so heavy.

"No, wait, I'm still dodging." Adam's voice sounds gravely, slow with fatigue. "I'm not just okay with that. I'd like that. I think it might be the only way I can sleep tonight."

Kris can't speak, and his eyes are shut, but he manages to snake a leg around Adam's in response. Adam's fingers lace into Kris's hair, and Kris is suffused with gratitude. He doesn't completely understand what this path is that he's supposed to walk, but there's only good here. When sleep finally pulls him down, he's smiling.

* * *

The morning is weirdly not-awkward when they wake together, even though it really should be.

Adam's impressive semi-hard length is burning into Kris's thigh through two layers of clothing, and Adam sighs into Kris's ear. "Sorry. It's just proximity and --"

Kris presses into Adam's hip for a second and Adam huffs out a little breath of laughter. "Oh. Hello there!"

"I mean, I'm twenty-three! Katy calls it Mr. Good Morning. And don't you dare tell her I told you that or I'll leak the name of every magazine you keep under your mattress. Nothing can squelch it." Kris pulls back and lifts an eyebrow at Adam. "Even you."

Adam's laugh is genuine and Kris grins. His eyes feel crusty and he knows his breath is foul and he feels totally gross because he slept in his clothes. Adam has a crease in his cheek where he lay smashed into a pillow and he's got a little leftover mascara on his cheek, but there's a happy sparkle in his eyes that hasn't been there for a while.

When Kris goes back to their room, Katy looks him over carefully and breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank God."

"Yeah. Exactly." Kris smiles at her, and she smiles back, and she's seriously the best ever, because she knows exactly how Kris feels about Adam, and exactly what he does and doesn't want from him, and it's all good.

They eat breakfast all together and plan the house Katy wants to build in L.A. Kris rejects every single one of Adam's suggestions as ridiculous, but Katy's eyes are shining. If they end up with a glammed-out decor, he's going to kill someone, possibly himself, but he just smiles.

There's a press conference next, and Kris turns the question about Adam gently but firmly back to music: not only Adam's, but this time, his own music, too. And does it again. And again. Adam gives him a thumbs up from the sidelines, and Kris grins at him.

The inevitable happens and someone asks about the "affection they show for each other." Kris kind of can't believe it, but then again he can. "In a lot of places in the world," he says quietly, because he's been thinking about this, "men can have friendships that aren't all about sports and being macho. Adam and I have become close friends. I think it'd do us good in this country to realize that men can be close with each other, can express affection, and it doesn't mean the world is ending. I do the same thing with my friends back at home, with my family."

"With all the questions about Adam's sexuality..."

Kris rarely feels like hitting someone, but he's getting damn close. "Aside from the fact it's none of anyone's business, I guess I'll just say, I can be friends with women, I can be friends with men, and I can be friends with people regardless of their orientation. Because it doesn't matter. What matters is who the person is. And Adam is someone I'm proud to call a friend. I'm done here."

The reporters gawk at him, then scramble. He can just imagine the headlines tomorrow. PR is going to kill him, but he really doesn't care right now.

Adam falls in step next to him, and whistles low under his breath. "I think I've created a monster. Go easy on them, sweetie, they're going to need some time. What the hell got into you?"

Kris laughs, a strong, real chortle. "I dunno. I finally got a good sleep, I guess." He shoots a grin at Adam, who matches it. Kris lowers his voice. "Should we give them something to really talk about? Leak where I slept last night?"

"Stop!" Adam's laughing so hard he has to stop and lean against a wall. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but you've got to sometimes rein it in. You are getting seriously out of control!"

"Yeah." Kris grins at Adam. "And it feels good. So, what's next?"

"Next?"

"In our plan for world domination."

"I don't know. But I think we'll figure something out."

"Yeah. I think we will. "

Adam's answering smile as they walk toward the waiting limo says he's at peace, too, and the final remnant of something tight and sharp that's been lingering inside Kris eases into warmth.

There's nothing but good here.

  
~End~


End file.
